What Loneliness Does To Teams & How To Foster Belonging in the Workplace
At this point I expect, like me, you are incredibly sick of hearing words like ‘optimize’ ‘streamline’ or ‘hack’ when it comes to leadership or team management.
Online and social content (even before ChatGPT came into the picture) is so saturated, overshared, pithy, and accessible that words and ideas can lose meaning just as soon as they take off. It’s for this reason that blogs here on Technically Spiritual focus not just on modern leadership insights, but giving you the sources, resources, and action items necessary to make a difference on the things you care about.
If you’re here, you likely care about your teams and colleagues.
Aside from it being a tenant of your job, you genuinely want your people to succeed, to feel content at work, and you want to foster a team culture that inspires growth not just for the business, but the people inside it.
And that’s why we need to talk about modern loneliness and isolation…
… Not just in light of how communities are still seeing the lasting effects of 2020 and Covid-19, but how community has changed in the digital age. By addressing this factor, which commonly underlies other more talked-about issues like stress and time management, leaders can make real improvements to their team’s wellbeing, success, and longevity.
What’s the Issue?
Loneliness (n): The subjective feeling that you're lacking the social connections you need. Feels like being stranded, abandoned, or cut off from the people with whom you belong. Can occur even when physically surrounded by others. [Adapted from U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy]
Americans are lonely:
22% of all adults in the US say they often or always feel lonely or socially isolated
1 in 3 American adults over the age of 45 are lonely
1/5th of Americans rarely or never feel close to people
Only 39% of adults in the U.S. feel "very connected" to others
Time spent in person with people has decreased nearly 70% in the last 20 years
There has been a marked decline in close friendships: 49% of Americans in 2021 have 3 or fewer friends
29% of all households in the U.S. are people living alone
Fewer people are getting married; people are having fewer or no children
While traditional family systems of course are not the only or superior form of community, it does matter that literal families (often our first line of connection to others) are getting smaller
Only 16% of Americans feel attached to their local community
47% of Americans in 2020 belong to a physical religious place (Church, Synagogue, Mosque, Temple) vs. 70% in 1999
Again, while spiritual practices aren’t the only way to form community with others, this points to a serious decline in ways of connecting with others and feeling a part of something bigger than oneself
[Cited from Dr. Vivek Murthy's "Together", 2018 AARP Study, 2018 National Survey by Cigna, Gallup "State of Social Connections” 2022 Study]
Not only that, but there are several dimensions of loneliness that people aren’t familiar with – the general population is ill-equipped to understand and address their own loneliness.
The Three Dimensions of Loneliness
Intimate (emotional): Longing for a close confidant or intimate partner, someone with whom you share a deep mutual bond of affection and trust
Relational (social): Yearning for quality friendships, social companionship, and support
Collective: Longing for a community of people who share your sense of purpose and interests
This complexity is why it’s common for us to feel lonely “even though [insert reason here]”. We can still feel lonely if we have a great group of friends but are longing for a partner, or are in a happy marriage but feel disconnected from society.
So How Did This Happen?
We don’t discuss loneliness often, and societal standards have us feeling shame above all else if we feel lonely – like there’s something innately wrong with us or our choices.
The U.S. is an individualist culture: there is greater emphasis on the individual than the collective or community
We live in a world where we don’t have to, want to, or are able to acknowledge our feelings in the present moment – We can mask our loneliness with busy-ness and distractions
Loneliness contains many feelings: withdrawal, anger, irritability – we don't always identify it as the root cause that needs addressing
We aren't present and don't prioritize our relationships
This is for a plethora of reasons that don’t all fall on the individual; it’s very difficult to be present, open, authentic, or empathetic when faced with the systemic and capitalist urgency + real danger of not staying productive
In certain groups where we didn’t necessarily choose the social circle or can be fully ourselves (like at work), we lose authenticity and sense of self.
Not being who we truly are increases our sense of loneliness even when surrounded by people, because we aren’t being truly seen.
Plus, Tech & Social Media Exacerbate the Issue
Being consistently plugged in leads to digital addiction, lack of presence, superficiality, breakdown of trust, echo chambers, polarization, comparison, and more. Each of these conflate with mental health vulnerabilities to increase symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.
Action Items for Leaders to Foster a Culture of Belonging for Your Teams:
So how do we address loneliness?
Encourage your teams (and give them time to) spend time with their loved ones every day.
If not in person, then via FaceTime or phone call.
Employ team bonding and communication programming to foster closeness, mindfulness, and skillful communication in the workplace.
Don’t worry, aside from the obvious benefits of morale and happiness, you can also cite ROI of team resiliency, productivity, performance, attendance, tenure, and more.
Be present with others.
Deep, truthful connection requires presence, without distractions. You can build up your toolset for mindfulness and presence through a daily, weekly, monthly, or quarterly practice.
Embrace solitude and lead by example.
Building a strong connection xi makes you more aware, present, mindful, and empathetic as a leader.
Service
Offer and receive help. Loneliness is an individual effect of a community issue.
Loneliness is a widespread and growing issue in the U.S., and when most people spend most of their time at work, it’s the responsibility of leaders to help foster a culture of wellbeing. You are the leader of a community.
If you want high-performing, low-turnover, happy, less stressed teams, don’t just address the symptoms. Address the roots. Talk to your people. Get help from experts. And tend to yourself too!